A pair of incompetent career criminals from Philadelphia stole a pickup truck and allegedly plotted to use it to rob a gun story in Tullytown, Pennsylvania.
They managed to steal precisely zero firearms and only removed one sheep’s head to the roof (I swear that I’m not making this up) from Mike’s Guns and Sporting Goods before they found themselves surrounded by Tullytown police. They then played their ace in the hole: one of them placed a 911 call claiming that a body had been discovered across town.
The suspects expected the cops to rush off to search for the body.
The 911 call center traced the GPS location of the phone making to call back to the surrounded gun store.
Presumably, the SWAT officers just looked at one another and shook their heads at the stupidity of the criminals.
Eventually, the less-than-dynamic duo surrendered after scurrying for hours like rats through the ventilation system from the gun shop to the next door pizza place and back.
They then claimed that they weren’t actually trying to steal weapons, but were homeless, and were just trying to find someplace warm to stay. Maybe they were Beatles fans.
The two men charged in the burglary and standoff are James “Unique” Townes, 22, and Ashire Williams, 21, both of Philadelphia. The two men face nine charges including burglary, receiving stolen property, criminal trespass, resisting arrest and false reports. District Judge Robert Wagner Jr. arraigned both men around 4:30 p.m. Monday and set their bail at 10 percent of $500,000. Townes and Williams both told the judge they were homeless and could not afford the 10 percent of $500,000 bail. Constable Chuck Benhayon assured the two men the Bucks County Correctional facility would have meals and be a warm place to stay.
More charges are still pending, as Williams had what appears to be Xanax and marijuana in his shoe when he was arrested.
What a pair of idiots.