This is Ashley Perks.

Ashley wrote a long article on xojane on her experience firing a single shot out of a Glock 9mm at a gun range in Maryland.

Her story is interesting.

It takes me eight tries to pick up the gun.

Each time, my hand gets closer.  Sometimes my hand touches it, but then I quickly pull it back.  My peace-loving brain cannot process this information — there is a weapon on the table that people use to kill other people and not only am I supposed to touch it, I’m supposed to FIRE it.

Finally, I pick it up.

It is heavy, much heavier than I thought it would be.  It smells like metallic smoke.  I raise it up.  Jim tells me to look through the sights and aim for the red.  He tells me I can do it, that he believes in me.  My boyfriend is nothing if not overly supportive.  Before I realize it, I’ve squeezed the trigger.

I see a flash and my hands jerk back, the gun falls sideways.  I immediately set it down on the ledge and shake my head no.  I want nothing else to do with this.  I feel tears starting to build in my eyes and I tell Jim to just finish shooting the box of bullets so we can leave.

And he does.  And we do.

If you read the entire article, you’ll see that Perks readily admits that she can’t handle change of any sort very well. She has led and prefers to lead a very sheltered and cautious existence, and does not function well if things aren’t just “so.”

So why was it that when she decided to go shoot, that she threw herself into the proverbial “deep end of the pool?”

Sadly, I suspect that she was determined to sabotage herself. And so she did.