Jamie Speiring, an entertainer who plays the role of a pirate professionally, was arrested for disturbing the peace Monday night after a pants-wetting busybody called 911 after Speiring fired a couple of powder charges.

Monroe County Sheriff’s Office deputies responding to “shots fired” reports on the old Seven Mile Bridge in Marathon Monday night found a man in full pirate costume packing operational black-powder pistols in holsters on each hip.

Jamie Spiering, 58, was also allegedly armed with a sword and two knives. Spiering, who said he is an entertainer, told deputies he was on the bridge with friends for sunset. He said there were no projectiles in the pistols, and that he had fired them toward the water.

But witnesses told a different story, said Deputy Becky Herrin, the Sheriff’s Office spokeswoman. They said Spiering fired one shot in the direction of cars traveling on the functioning Seven Mile Bridge, which runs parallel to the old bridge, now only used by pedestrians.

You’ll note that the pirate wasn’t arrested on weapons charges (open carry is illegal in Florida, but replica flintlocks aren’t classified as firearms), but that the complainant says that Speiring fired a shot “in the direction of” another bridge which runs in parallel to the bridge Speiring was on for almost seven miles. In other words, he pointed it vaguely south.

It primarily sounds like some nitwit tourist from New Jersey (we’re merely speculating; they could be another freedom-hating state) lacked the discernment to note that, “Hey, that guy is dressed as a freaking pirate and people are yucking it up with him… maybe he isn’t a threat.”

A local commenting on the story is not amused.

Here’s hoping that the judge receiving this case dismisses it with prejudice.