Roddy White a former Atlanta Falcons football player, apparently came just short of wetting himself during a routine traffic stop in Dekalb County (GA) because he imagined an officer making what he perceived as a life-threatening motion towards his service weapon.

So I just got pulled over for speeding and my tag expired so I got 2 tickets which I wasn't complaining about I gladly excepted them

— Roddy White (@roddywhiteTV) November 16, 2016

But what I had a problem with is officer Kirby of the dekalb county police department bag #1970 I'm going to have to report this man

— Roddy White (@roddywhiteTV) November 16, 2016

This officer got out his car and immediately unbutton his his strap on his gun and put his hand on his gun and came to my car wit his hand

— Roddy White (@roddywhiteTV) November 16, 2016

…and that’s where hysterical Roddy White lost me.

You see, this isn’t 1960s Mayberry, and cops no long use basketweave leather holsters with a simple thumb break.

Instead, the modern law enforcement officer uses a retention holster that locks the gun into the holster against attempts to disarm officers by suspects.

The last I checked, there currently five levels of retention offered in various holster models by different manufacturers, and the vast majority of agencies issue either Level II or Level III holsters.

Dekalb County, several decades and states away from the fictional North Carolina town of Mayberry and Deputy Fife’s revolver and the single bullet he carried in a pocket, doesn’t use the kind of holster Mr. White imagined with a simple leather strap over the top that is unbuttoned.

They instead utilize locking devices that grab the trigger-guard (shown above).

Oops.

On his gun like I was going to do something to him so I asked him why he had his hand on his gun the man said it was police procedure

— Roddy White (@roddywhiteTV) November 16, 2016

Poor Roddy.

Poor, delicate Roddy White needs a safe space and binky because “Officer Kirby” rested his hand on his gun as has just about every police officer in the history of policing at one time or another…

…even fake TV cops that later became real cops.

It’s one of the most common resting positions for an officer’s hand; natural, instinctive, and pretty much innocuous unless you’re completely paranoid.

So I said really and he said no it's my procedure I than asked him why do u think I want to hurt you and he had no response I than said

— Roddy White (@roddywhiteTV) November 16, 2016

It's cops like you that makes this world a very ugly place its a good thing I already had all my information to give him or I could've died

— Roddy White (@roddywhiteTV) November 16, 2016

On a routine traffic stop cause if u stopping me for speeding I don't see a reason to grab your gun

— Roddy White (@roddywhiteTV) November 16, 2016

But I am going to report officer Kirby for his action it may save the next black man's life

— Roddy White (@roddywhiteTV) November 16, 2016

“Officer Kirby” did nothing wrong.

He treated the paranoid White with respect, and wasn’t even impolite to the hysterical unemployed football player. He simply wrote White a pair of tickets, and probably never gave White a second thought, one of thousands of mundane contacts he’s had with citizens in in career.

But Roddy White had to make a mountain out of a molehill, the hero of his own Twitter fantasy where he’s the “hero” of a Walter Mitty fantasy, saving some future person’s life by tweeting a grossly embellished fantasy, undone by his own overactive imagination and what he remembers of Barney Fife’s holster from Andy Griffith show reruns on TBS.

 I hope the NFL can help Mr. White a good treatment program.