While we love the idea of a good super-villain in the movies, the fact of the matter is that vast majority of criminals are simply paste-eating morons.


One of the more recent examples of this phenomenon is the aging Philadelphia thug who thought it might be a good idea to rob a nutrition supplement  store—the kind that caters to weightlifters and other athletes—with a knife.

That was his first mistake.

His second mistake was in underestimating the owner of the store, who is a former cop and Secret Service agent who simply waited until it was absolutely necessary to strike:

Police did not release the 46-year-old shopkeeper’s name, but online business records identified her as Sharon Doyle, who worked as a police officer in Philadelphia as well as Lower Makefield and Warminster Townships. She also served as a Secret Service agent from 2002 to 2004, according to a resumé posted online.

She was behind the counter of Stan’s Health Foods, on the 7100 block of Frankford Avenue in Mayfair, just after 5 p.m. when a 47-year-old man walked in and brandished a six-inch hunting knife, said Inspector Scott Small.

“No other employees, no customers,” Small said. “Just her and the robbery suspect.”

The man went behind the counter and threw the cash register on the floor to break it, Small said, then began collecting the money scattered on the floor. He then put the knife to the woman’s chest, Small said, and she sprang into action. She drew a gun and fired a shot into the man’s chest, Small said. The man collapsed on the floor.

You’ll note that shop owner Doyle gave the criminal a chance. She did not immediately draw her weapon and kill him, even though that would have been legal. She seemed willing to let him have the cash.

She didn’t pull her weapon until he put the knife to her throat, at which point she pulled her weapon and ended the threat with one well-placed shot.

When authorities arrived to clean up the mess, the dead criminal was still clutching a handful of dollars.

It’s too bad Charon only takes coins.