Dude, That's NOT A Holster!

The long arm of the law always get their man, in the end.

“It happens” was Limestone County Sheriff Mike Blakely’s comment Tuesday about a public intoxication suspect who had also concealed a pistol in his derrière.

Limestone County Sheriff’s Office Spokesman Stephen Young said the incident began shortly after midnight Tuesday with a call about a prowler on Esten Lane. The caller had found Jesse O’Neal Roberts, 23, of Elkmont, around his garage and held him at gunpoint until deputies arrived.

Once on the scene, Deputy Chad Harbin noticed Roberts seemed to be impaired and placed him under arrest for public intoxication. Deputies also found a truck in a ditch near Esten Lane that contained Roberts’ identification.

After arriving at the jail, Young said, corrections officers observed Roberts appeared to be walking strangely. At one point while being searched, Roberts stumbled and a pistol fell from what Young described as his “body cavity.”

“I immediately considered that he defecated on himself before noticing a familiar shape in the form of a pistol in his boxers,” according to a report filed by the corrections officer.


I’m personally very upset with Roberts for the crappy way he treated this handgun (which I also suspect voided the warranty). Roberts’s attorneys will likely poo-poo the charges of first-degree promoting prison contraband, carrying a concealed weapon without a permit and fourth-degree receiving stolen property. They may raise a stink, claiming that he was too intoxicated to realize what he was dooing.

Unlike Roberts’s colon, the .380 caliber pistol wasn’t loaded.