Congressman Says He'd Settle Things "Aaron Burr-Style" if Female Senators Were Men

A congressman from Texas is feeling the heat after he suggested that if his female counterparts were guys from Texas, he’d duel them for failing to pass the bill to repeal and replace ObamaCare.

Yeah, that happened.

According to The Hill:

Rep. Blake Farenthold (R-Texas) told a radio station in Corpus Christi, Texas, on Friday that “some female senators from the Northeast” are responsible for the Senate’s failure to pass a bill, The Associated Press reported Monday.

“If it was a guy from south Texas, I might ask him to step outside and settle this Aaron Burr-style,” Farenthold added.

Vice President Aaron Burr shot and killed Alexander Hamilton, the United States’ first Treasury secretary and a signatory of the Constitution, in a duel in 1804.

While Farenthold didn’t clarify which female lawmakers he was referring to specifically, he went on to say it was “absolutely repugnant” that the Senate hasn’t passed a bill to repeal ObamaCare in the radio interview with “1440 Keys.”

While I’m sure Farentold (which I keep saying as “farthold” in my head for some reason) didn’t mean he wants to shoot and kill anyone, the media is having a field day with his bush-league comment.


GQ’s Jay Willis even issued his own challenge to Farenthold:

I will happily duel the shit out of Blake Farenthold.

Now, for a number of reasons (this is 2017; dueling “Aaron Burr-style” is almost certainly illegal; the congressman and I are functional adults who resolve our differences by talking instead of via mutual combat), the terms on which I agree to duel Congressman Farenthold differ slightly from those he has proposed. I would like to make very clear to him, to GQ readers, to Sean Hannity’s research assistants, and to any law enforcement personnel who may be reading this post that I have no intention of engaging in any sort of violence in connection with this proposal.

Besides, the centuries that have elapsed since the heyday of dueling have yielded so many other methods that one can employ to obtain satisfaction! Below is a representative list of activities in which I will compete Congressman Farenthold, should he be courageous enough to accept my challenge.

  1. Jenga. I always try and take out the two side pieces, leaving my awed opponent dealing with a teetering mass at his trembling fingertips. Removing the middle block is for cowards.
  2. Bench press (one-rep max). Honestly, I’m more of a push-ups guy these days, but I bet I could still put up a couple plates.
  3. H-O-R-S-E. My special power is that I can go off glass from anywhere.
  4. A one-mile run. I’ll even do it in Chucks. For fairness.
  5. Settlers of Catan. “Congressman, I’ve told you eight times now: I’m not trading two wheat for one sheep.”
  6. Jeopardy! That old handheld electronic version, unless Alex Trebek would preside over a head-to-head, which I’m down for, too.
  7. Pizza-eating contest, for time. I’ll eat three pieces before his napkin is in his lap.
  8. Flip cup. Five cups each, best of three. We’ll use the Shiner beer of his choice.
  9. Speed-reading. The congressman reads Dreams of My Father, I read Killing Lincoln, and we see which one of us begs for mercy first.
  10. Iron Chef. Better hope the secret ingredient isn’t “a sense of common decency,” though, or he’s fucked.

As much as I know it shouldn’t be, I’m sorry, but that’s funny!

The lesson here is this: let’s not give them any more reasons to hate Republicans/guns/politicians/Texas/dueling.

Do you live in Farenthold’s district? I sincerely hope you give him a call and share what you think of these comments with his office.