Burglar accidentally shoots himself in head during escape

S_Salow / Pixabay

The case many gun owners envision for needing a firearm isn’t because they think a hit squad will bust down their door. It’s because of more pedestrian things like burglars.

Many people have been killed during break-ins over the years, after all, so it’s not out of the realm of possibility that you might just need it for that.

However, a recent case suggests we might not have as much to worry about as we may have thought.

Law enforcement officials in Seattle arrested a burglar on Wednesday after he accidentally shot himself in the head while trying to flee the scene of a home that he allegedly broke into.

The incident happened early Wednesday morning when a resident heard noises coming from his garage, where he encountered the burglar.

“Officers went to the hospital, found the injured man was wearing the same clothing as the suspect in the earlier burglary,” SPD added. “Police believe the suspect accidentally fired his handgun while climbing into his van, striking himself in the head. Officers also learned the suspect’s van was reported stolen and had been used in another crime outside of Seattle. Additionally, the suspect is also a convicted felon, unable to legally possess firearms.”

Police plan to charge the master thief with burglary, unlawful possession of a gun, felony harassment, and possession of a stolen vehicle.

Meanwhile, I’m trying to figure out how he managed to shoot himself in the head while trying to get into his van.

I mean, it’s a van, not Mt. Everest, for crying out loud. They’re not exactly tricky to get into.

Obviously, there was no muzzle or trigger discipline. Things like this just don’t happen at all if there were, but even beyond that, the guy had to completely screw up in order to shoot himself in the head during his attempt to getaway.

In a van.

The same thing millions of moms and dads have used to shuttle kids to soccer games or scout camping trips.

He couldn’t navigate climbing into a van.

As a fan of caper films, I have a certain fascination with burglars, at least as they’re portrayed in the movies. When you see something like that pop up in real life, I’m interested. The meticulous planning, the skill of entering the premises undetected, all of it just hit something deep inside. I blame the Muppets, myself.

I know they’re criminals and I have no interest in associating with them in reality, but the version from Hollywood creates a kind of glamorous illusion.

Stories like this kind of shatter that fantasy.

Luckily, burglars like this are a lot more common than the Hollywood variety. It means you’re less likely to encounter a master thief and much more likely to encounter the kind of knob who would shoot himself in his own head while trying to accomplish the herculean task of climbing into a van.

Honestly, folks, we need a better class of criminal. These guys are just embarrassing to us as a nation at this point.