If anyone asks for evidence of a benevolent God, I tend to refer them to stupid criminals. I can only see it as the work of a merciful Lord that these people are smart enough to get out of bed in the morning, but not get much else right in their lives which makes things easier for the good guys.
However, some don’t know how to stop while they’re ahead. Take this guy from New York.
He’s a lousy crook — and an even worse jailhouse lawyer.
A bumbling Long Island liquor-store thief who got caught stuffing bottles of hooch in his pants, only to be shot by the store’s owner as he tried to get away, wants $2.7 million for his injuries.
But Shawn Harris can’t even get the name of the store or the shooter right.
In the handwritten lawsuit he filed himself, Harris describes in detail how he and a pal ripped off the store on Newbridge Road in North Bellmore, LI, in August 2016, starting in the “Hennesey [sic] and Patron section.”
Harris “removed 4 bottles of liquor and I put 2 bottles in my pants and walked to pay for the other 2 bottles and [the store owner] asked for I.D. and I told him I need to go to the car and get my I.D. and I went outside and Dropped the 2 Bottles,” he wrote.
Harris, who was with two pals, was trying for another two bottles when the store owner — who he names as “Lan Dong Dong” of Grapes & Grains, in Baldwin, LI — followed the three men outside.
There’s just one problem with all of this.
Harris didn’t rob Grapes & Grains. As a result, Lan Dong Dong isn’t the guy who shot him.
I can’t help but wonder if the handwritten lawsuit was written in crayon.
Look, I can’t judge the validity of the shooting based on this report. I’m not about to. I’m going to trust the police on the ground on this, and if there wasn’t an arrest–and there doesn’t appear to have been–then I doubt there would be much hope for this lawsuit under the best of circumstances.
When you’re not even sure of the store you robbed or the guy who shot you, you really don’t have a chance. Snowballs have better odds of survival in hell than this lawsuit does of actually making Harris any money as things currently stand.
But Harris did accomplish one thing with his lawsuit.
He gave all of us something to laugh about. Well, everyone except the real Lan Dong Dong who will now have to deal with this crap, of course. For him, I have the utmost sympathy. Not only will he have to deal with this mess until the judge kills the lawsuit out of hand, which can be costly. I suspect this is a prime case of someone needing to use GoFundMe.
Harris, on the other hand, should be countersued. Immediately and for a lot of money he doesn’t have.
The grounds? Being just that freaking stupid.